just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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