Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
