I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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