you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
