Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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