you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
