I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
