Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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