Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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