So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A+ Viking dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
