I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
