Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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