Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
