So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i came on her dog
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
