I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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