Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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