once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
