I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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