butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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