He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
