He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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