I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
