carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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