I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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