my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
