you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
