You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
