I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your penis caused this!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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