i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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