You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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