I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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