this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
