my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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