he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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