I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
