I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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