i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
