dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
