I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
