I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
