I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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