I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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