I think im going to throw up on grandma
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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