paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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