I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
