Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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