I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
