I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
