It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
