All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
