Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
