I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
