I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
