you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
