you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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