I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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