I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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