I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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