i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
