you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
