I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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