Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize