her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
