Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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