What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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