if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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