So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
