I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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