I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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