apparently the secret to your success is patron
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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