on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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