Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Four minutes until I can fart!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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