i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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