Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
