Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
don't judge my taste in strippers
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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