so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The adults are the big ones right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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