On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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