I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
